loss
by YuryJulian
Summary: Dr. Wolenczak got a call with the missing message of his son.


_Disclaimer: All rights of the series seaQuest and their characters belong to someone else and therefore I make no money with this story. _

Rating: K+

Genre: Drama

Author: YuryJulian

Beta: Anarore with many hugs for her help

**Loss**

Unbelievingly the scientist stared at the dark monitor of the vidphone. He was doing this for over an hour now. Since he got this call from a very sober man from the UEO. From the way he told him this message, he knew for sure he did something like that every day. He could do without the empty words of how sorry he was and how he knew exactly how Lawrence must feel now. This man knew nothing! He would only know how it is to lose someone if he had to go through this himself.

"We have expect the worst, also that your son is probably dead." This one sentence went through his head again and again. It couldn't be! It all seemed so unreal. He would watch the conversation many times to understand the seriousness of it, if he had recorded it.

His son, his Lucas... dead? No, this was impossible. Not the blonde teenager, who ran full of energy through the whole house the catch their quoll. Not the lovely boy he was, no, is! It couldn't be! Lucas would live forever, longer than him. No one was able to destroy his laugh, which Lawrence knew better than anything else. Although he had had little time to spend with his child, because his work was in the way, this laugh was branded into his memory for ever and ever.

When the vidphone rang he roused startled from his thoughts. Several times the shrill tone rang before the caller gave up. Now wasn't the time for making business. Although? What if it was the UEO? Only to tell him it was all a misunderstanding. Lucas hadn't been on board at that particular moment and just waited to get picked up by his father. Nearly beseechingly the scientist looked at the monitor and hoped for another call which didn't come.

Thousands of thoughts shot through his head. All of them memories of a person who was allowed to become only eighteen years old and was now supposedly dead. Happy and hard times ran before his inner eye and with every scene he felt himself falling deeper into a neverending dark hole. Why hadn't he taken the time to do something with his son? Why was his work always more important than his only son? He would have been able to take some time for him, if he hadn't been so stuck in his work. Why the hell had he put his son on this damn submarine, if he could have been useful in his own company too?

Lawrence put his elbows on the table and began to tear his hair. The deep desperation over the more than sure loss of his son seemed to devour him. He had no strength to cry and he wished he could let his tears flow to free himself, but nothing like this happened.

Slowly he stood up from his desk and walked as if he was on his way to the grave of his son through his workroom, straight down the corridor and turned around to where the room of his son was. His hand rested some minutes on the door-handle before he got the strength to push it. He had hoped to find his boy in this room sitting at the computer and playing games with his online friends. Or maybe he was still asleep because he had played the whole night. But none of that happened. The room of the teenager was empty. The computer was switched off and the bed without pillows and duvet. Just a bedspread was thrown over it.

The scientist stepped into the room. His hand ran yearningly over the books on the shelf. On the bed were several stuffed animals, which Lucas had collected over the years and belonged to the ones he liked most. He took the green teddybear and sat down on the bed. Lawrence remembered very well how he and Cynthia had bought this one together. Lucas hadn't yet been born and the expectant parents went proud and excited from one toystore to another. Their wish was to become the best parents on earth and to give their child everything he needed to be happy but then it ended in a disaster.

He touched the nose of the teddybear very softly and stroked his cheek as he could caress his son. His son, who came with his teddy under his arm into their bedroom because he couldn't sleep at nights and thought there were shadowmonsters in his room. Cynthia and Lawrence often allowed him to sleep in their bed. Lucas mostly fell asleep right after crawling between them. Sometimes he clinged to one of their arms and hugged his parents during the night. Smiling, Lawrence remembered how he had put his own arm around him and pulled him towards himself to give his son the warmth and security of his body. The safety from the evil shadowmonsters.

There were some letters and writing pads on the table. The scientist put the teddy back in his place and took one of the pads. Here and there were some drawings. Lucas must have done them when he was bored or when he had called someone. On some pages there were several notes and the beginning of a letter to his mother. Probably he had wanted to finish it when he came the next time... which never will be.

Cynthia! Did she know about what had happened? Had the UEO informed her too? Lawrence couldn't remember the man telling him anything like that.. At the moment he didn't feel able to call his ex-wife. He felt weak. Unable to do anything. A body without a soul only there to work. The hope to see Lucas again had faded and only a little shimmer was left. He couldn't say why his hope was so small. He wished it wouldn't be, but unfortunatly it was. Lucas had only had eighteen years and he took them away from him by putting him on this cursed sub. When the first ship sank he should have taken his son into his own company. His work was done, his project destroyed and therefore a lot of time available which wasn't there before. Why hadn't he done it?

The more he reproached himself the more desperate he became. His son will never have the chance to create such projects on his own and that although he had the intelligence and smartness to do so. He will never be married, become a father himself. He will never see how the world will change in the upcoming years and all because his father had the impression it would be the best to put him on a submarine. On a submarine which had been his death sentence in the end.

Finally the tears came, first faltering but than faster and faster. In deep desperation Dr. Wolenczak broke down in the room which his son would never be able to see again because he had thought his father role was tiresome. An act which had cost the life of a young person...

THE END

written and translated 16.03.2006

_Authors note: Maybe some of you wonder what a quoll is. This little animal is inhabi_tant _in Australia and with a permission it is allowed to have it as a pet. If some of you have further informati_on _after I'm wrong, please let me know. _


End file.
